I’m still surprised by the reaction to my last two blogs.

The feedback I’m receiving from people reminds me of how much we crave honest conversations about the slings and arrows of adult life– myself included.

Writing about what I was experiencing put my personal transition on the map. I couldn’t unsay what I said after I pressed publish.

I’ve also reflected more on how our comfort level with experiencing a range of emotions impacts how we navigate through transitions. What’s OK to feel, and what’s OK to admit, and to whom?

Acknowledging feelings of vulnerability and sadness in the midst of change is a radical act. It goes off the public script of “I’m OK.”

We need to figure out a way to cope because going through changes at work can be brutal. When your organization restructures, you can end up in an organization that doesn’t fit and work for a boss you don’t like or worse, doesn’t like you.

I’ve experienced all of these dilemmas over my decades-long career. Looking back, I navigated successfully through each of those career crises and found the silver lining. I don’t always know what good news is until much later looking in the rearview mirror.

The first step is not denying or minimizing what is happening or shying away from facing the truth about what you are losing. In the words of some great philosopher “The truth will set you free, but first, it makes you miserable.”

Writing my blogs made the fact I’m going through some changes real.  Some are of my changes are work related, and some are personal. And in the big picture, nothing earth-shattering. Just ordinary life continuing to unfold. But it woke me up.

The payoff for not hiding my head in the sand is I’m regaining perspective. I’m not reacting so intensely. I’m kind of over the hand-wringing stage. A new normal is emerging. I’m officially embracing what’s next. I’m not fighting the truth things could work out better than I expected.

And this transition is also inviting me to pay attention to how I’m looking after myself. I can’t afford to be sloppy with my self-care. I need to stay grounded. I’ve recommitted to regular exercise, meditation, eating well and keeping a gratitude list. For me, making space to “be” is a must during the transition. And so is staying connected with my tribe.

I know I’m progressing because I’m not fighting against where my life is flowing. I’m opening up and loosening up on what I think I know, or how it is supposed to look.

I’m also discerning about what I want to carry into my next chapter. I looked around my home office a couple of weeks ago and noticed the clutter in my office. I’m not a pack rat, and I don’t collect ornaments, but I do collect books and binders and resource material.

I’m shocked at how hard it is to let go of things I don’t use, but feel some comfort knowing they are within reach.  But it’s time, and I’m plowing through the clutter, keeping what still is useful and chucking what isn’t away.

And it is easier to let go of the old when it is in the service of a bigger vision. This last year I’ve been refining the focus of my work. Looking at what I’ve collected, together, it all represents different work personas I’ve worn over the years. It is time to prune and make space to claim a bigger dream. I’ll keep you posted.

I’m in my home office on a gloriously sunny fall day. This beautiful weather won’t last, so I’m making sure I notice it and appreciate it all day.

I am reflecting on the last couple of weeks. I’m in a different place than when I wrote my last blog. What I shared struck a chord with many of you – for different reasons. Thank you to everyone who reached out and let me know why.

A note especially touched me from a thoughtful friend. She wrote:

Thank you for being vulnerable. Change is hard. I too struggle with acknowledging the loss and making space for it. It would’ve been very helpful in many transitions in my own life. Thank you for this reminder – to be gentle with me and gentle with others who are experiencing changes.

Lots of us are in the middle of personal and professional change. Many will also identify strongly with the term “over functioning perfectionist.” Types like us need to be reminded: “It is OK not to be OK.”  We need to make the space to feel our emotions and be a regular human.

It is a lot easier to get support when other people know you need it. Compassion and kindness have a softening effect. It worked on me. People sharing how they empathized and identified with my emotional experience made accepting and moving through change a lot easier.

Dealing with my emotions is why I’m not in the same place that I was two weeks ago, and why my perspective is shifting. The consensus in the change and transition literature is that change represents an event and transition is a psychological process that happens over time.

Real change doesn’t begin until we start to feel it. If we don’t feel it, it could be because we are stuck in denial. Or maybe the change hasn’t happened yet – it is still a concept. Or maybe it isn’t a significant change. There is a big difference between rearranging the furniture in a room versus moving into another house.

The impact of a change on us personally can vary depending on whether it is our idea, how we perceive what we stand to gain and lose, and our choices around handling our emotions. If we have any unresolved feeling from past losses, they can pile on and intensify the impact of the one we are in the middle of experiencing now.

In all cases, we must grieve, in our way, to accept change and make the transition. We need to let go of old identities, ideas, workplaces, workspaces, relationships and what we thought we wanted or what we thought was true.

And, usually, it is in our best interest to do our grieving in private, with trusted friends.

If it is a work change, we don’t want a temporary period of emotional adjustment to define us as a “change resister.” Fair or not, organizational changes don’t have to make sense to us to happen. What we say – and to whom – matters. People notice how we handle it when things don’t go our way.

We don’t want our “letting go” to negatively colour our “hello” to the new people and places in whatever is next for us career-wise.

But don’t shut down. We do need to address the emotional impact. Seek out safe spaces and people to work through the emotions. Do it all in the service of accepting reality as it is and increase your ability to act on what is still within your control. Discover your choices and keep looking for the silver lining. It is there.

So how did I intentionally and privately grieve over the last couple of weeks? I stayed weepy and emotionally raw for a good week after publishing that blog. Sharing it made my feelings more real, and in some ways, I felt more vulnerable.

I knew I had more to feel and say in private. The quickest way to move through it is to embrace whatever thoughts and emotions are coming up and don’t resist. It was OK that I was not OK. I made finding ways to express my feelings a legitimate goal.

Spinning a change into a positive before you’ve fully acknowledged what you are losing is delusional optimism. It is a form of denial that can come back to bite you later. Don’t lie to yourself to get through it. Tell yourself the truth, and don’t tune out your emotion.

Instead, find ways to safely and privately feel your feelings – your way, and on your terms. Invite the feelings in and amplify them to get them out and detoxify. Be pragmatic. Think about what you are doing as an emotional cleanse.

So what are my ways of emotionally cleansing? I highly recommend seeing a movie like “A Star is Born” if you want to let loose with the tears in a dark auditorium with strangers. More accurately, I was in the room of strangers with my husband.

My husband didn’t join me in my cry jag. He sat patiently (OK, nervously) while I cried until the lights came on in the movie theatre. It felt good.

Next, I dedicated time to do some good old-fashioned, free-for-all stream of consciousness journaling. I took pen to paper and said all of the “unsayables.”  I let loose with all the petty, one-sided, honest thoughts, fears and feelings about my past, present and future.

This kind of writing helps me sort through my “not ready for prime time” reactions in private and to get out of my head and in sync with my heart. And there are upsides and downsides to every change. It is complicated.

This kind of writing is never intended for publication.  The venting and lamenting are in the service of removing the clutter. After  I ‘m done  I can see truth more clearly and make informed, conscious choices.

As my mentor, Jack says: “The truth is a multi-faceted jewel, and more than one thing can be true.” The truth is I am heading into an interesting time. I can see opportunities and new ways to use my talents. Dare I say I’m even starting to feel excited. I always find the silver lining.

I also found out I am not alone in this time of transition. Good people surround me. My story is developing, and I know yours is too. I love hearing from you. I’ll keep you posted on what happens next.